One thing I thought was going to be far from possible for me was finding healing, peace, love and joy within myself. Never did I think I'd smile with my heart again but only on the outside. Oooh laughing was the easy part because it was more of a defense mechanism for the pain that I felt within. I had always depended on my former best-friend for my joy who, back then, had found me in a terrible state - coming out of a physically abusive relationship - broken I was, confused even and bitter at 20 was not an easy thing to get over. He taught me the Agape type of love, brought me back to God and made me feel so secure about my self because of Who's daughter he reminded me I was.
Fast forward a couple of years later, I moved geographically and met someone I thought would be my best-friend but OMG... all I can say is going through emotional abuse wasn't the greatest at all. It was nowhere close to the term great. Actually, it was the worst I had ever experienced in my entire life because it robbed from me literally everything - my joy, my love, my peace and my greatest defense mechanism, my laughter. Now that's when I thought that was it for me and no bouncing back up again. Only then did I get to learn how much words can really impact one's life. They can either break or make someone. It wasn't an easy journey to go through on your own esp. having strangers and/or everyone else around you begin to compliment EVERYTHING you were told to be the worst about yourself out of their own insecurities. It took a while for me to understand why he had treated me the way he did, why he had chosen to put his insecurities onto me like that, why he lifted his hand to want to bring back my past. That, right away, alarmed me that it was time for me to bounce and let go of a relationship that had caught the attention of many, thinking that we were "the perfectly happy couple", "cute" - they also thought. But like I already said on pt. 1 of The Journey - In Character, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" then continues to say, "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" . I really had to understand what He meant by all that. Had I not allowed Him to take away all my pain, I would have not experienced the peace, love and joy I feel inside of me at this present moment. I would have not gotten to understand some of the revelations of His promises the way I understand them now. From the very beginning this life that I'm living was part of His plan all along anyway.
To be frank with you, it took a while for me to accept God's undying, never-changing Agape. Ever since I experienced His love, I've never felt so much at peace and in love with myself. The picture below just melts my heart seeing the fire of peace, love, joy and forgiveness coming out of that laughter straight from the heart. Today I'm in a happy place and I know it didn't happen by mistake. I love how He wrote my life and I love how He sees my heart. So I fall to my knees and say that I'm grateful for every morning start. So I don't thank my lucky stars cause that's not where my blessings are. No they come from the Father's heart. Not the sky, not chance, but truth is I'm not luck, I'm LOVED 💕💕💕 YAAASSS! You already know I'm singing now... and not just typing away LOL.
Dear Resilient Woman,
Say no to domestic violence - be it physical or emotional abuse, be it you're a teenager or an adult. The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only for others but ourselves as well. So love you first and be unapologetic about it. Know your worth. Stay Gucci!
With love,
Amanda Nothando
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